We’re Not Close Anymore, But Happy Birthday!

Hi there,

We haven’t spoken in about 8 months, but I thought I should go ahead and text you Happy Birthday!

This little note, although short and sweet, is chock full of implications about what our relationship was and has become, which I’m sure you’d love to think about while celebrating your birthday with actual, current friends and family. You’re welcome!

Firstly, my texting you “happy birthday” reveals that I still know the date you were brought into this world by heart. That’s right, that information continues to live in my mind, subsequently showing that I am a caring and open person, despite our relationship’s unfortunate demise. Most of your acquaintances need Facebook to alert them that it’s your birthday, but not me. I knew that shit already.

The fact that I texted you in the first place, simply put, shows that I was thinking about you. This ultimately means I still care about you somewhere deep down inside, despite the utter bullshit we brought to each other’s lives. Am I asking for that bullshit to reenter my life by texting you? Fuck no! Does Paul McCartney want to start The Beatles back up every time an anniversary box set or commemorative Beatles t-shirt is released? I doubt it, plus it would be impossible at this point.

The purpose of my texting you is to simply pay homage to the past. It’s like after working at Target for five years, and then one day taking a slow, luxurious walk through the very same aisles you sold your soul to so many years ago. It’s not because you necessarily miss it – it was just a part of your life one time and sometimes a revisit seems necessary.

Well, I do hope this two-word acknowledgement weighs heavy on your mind! There probably won’t be occasion to speak again until my 28th birthday when you shoot the greeting right back at me, so until then, take it easy old pal.

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